Insights not Spite

Sunday, March 31st During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "When I go to apply for that job..." I feel this refers to researching my cognitive method for managing stress and changing behavior.  I believe this could be my future full-time job in my current workplace.  I work at a research/teaching hospital.  I would need a contract stating my needs and wants.  After writing my entry, I then saw 811.  I looked up its spiritual meaning.  The article stated 811 means new beginnings!  It was very cool to have this synchronistic moment: insight from Somoya and then seeing 811.  I am looking forward to having further conversations with upper management regarding collecting data, publishing, and eventually making the cognitive method evidence based.

Saturday, March 30th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Cancelled!"  The voice was loud in my head. For the last few days I had been planning and looking forward to riding bikes with our son this weekend.  It is an activity we both love to do together!  Unfortunately, Mason arrived at our home this Friday sick with a bad cold and cough.  As a result, he is very tired all the time.  Mason has had this cold since last Sunday at his mom's home.  This lead to him missing one day of school this week. The fact that he is not drastically better, was the cause of having to cancel today's fun bike ride together.  Both of us were sad and disappointed in having to do so.  My gut told me to keep up the Neti-Pot and have him rest.  We laid low for the day by having meaningful conversations, hanging out in the sun, doing some reading, and playing video games on our phones together.  

Friday, March 29th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "You're like Adam and Eve."   While I was struggling with visualizing and hearing a message from Somoya during meditation, ice cold lemonade in a glass kept popping into my mind.  Somoya is so correct.  I am like "Adam and Eve."  I give up the "Garden of Eden", just to have a drink of something sugary!  The problem is every time I succumb to sugar, I put my health and wellness at risk.  It could someday lead to becoming diabetic.  Past and presently, it causes me spikes, leading to major mood swings.  In addition, my brain eventually feels foggy and my thoughts become slow.  Therefore the cycle continues, because I need more.  I have the knowledge and insight to know this isn't worth it, but sugar is like any drug, once it takes hold, the cravings are infinite!  I will continue to do my best to s

Thursday, March 28th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Resign." My logical guess is that this message is referring to the director of our clinic.  She made a prejudice statement at an all staff meeting (which I wasn't present to hear).  She later followed it up with an apology email stating the same prejudice remark in writing!   A few days later after the email, I bumped into her in the hallway.  She stated she was going on vacation.  Planned or forced...that is the question?   Overall, for years staff have not been happy with her leadership.  It will be interesting if this just blows over or if there will be fallout.  Time will tell... 

Wednesday, March 27th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for the day.  I then heard an internal voice say, "May I have a turny, top, turn?" I had a conversation with my wife last night.  I shared how for the first time I actually believe Somoya is a living soul that has passed to the other side.  I feel her presence.  She and I knew one another in the past.  I strongly feel I was on this earth during the Middle Ages (476 to 1520).  I believe I was a Knight and she was a magician.  We were friends.  She is available and willing to guide my soul that is back in this physical realm.  I am not alone, when taking in account that their are two worlds: physical and spiritual.  I am so excited!  I asked Kelli what she would do, if she had my abilities.   She recommended exploring more of my gift of connecting to the spiritual world on a daily basis.  I responded with excitement!  I then said to Kelli, "Maybe this means I could ask

Tuesday, March 26th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "None of them have filters.  Need something to talk about." I am confident this is referring to a presentation that is coming up.  I and other Peer Specialists were asked by a psych doctor to speak with medical students at the university.  She stated the students were interested in what Peer Specialists are, their role in recovery, and if they had any helpful feedback to offer the upcoming doctors when engaging with people who live with mental illness and/or addictions. When I saw in the email who was attending, my gut feel was everyone would be "pushing and shoving" to be in the lime light.  This opportunity would definitely be an "ego feeder". I have had several of these opportunities in the past, but have only enjoyed them when being the only peer.  The reason being, is others are not good at acknowled

Monday, March 25th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “I am trying to be president.” Yesterday, I was reading how Scorpios tend to become presidents in the United States.  Scorpios are considered natural born leaders.  Scorpios are brave and logical, in general. I am a Pisces.  I struggle with being consistent with leadership, brave, and especially logical.  We Pisces tend to be very sensitive, emotional, and reactive.  We want to please and assist others, in general. I am attending a committee meeting this coming Tuesday.  I have power.  I have something they want.  They want my cognitive method to become evidence based.  I need to act “like a president” in the meeting.  I need to remain calm, in charge, brave, level headed when conversing with all the management and hirer ups.  I REALLY need patience, and not care what they think of me.  I need to get my needs met in this deal. 3/26

Sunday, March 24th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “It’s hard to support all of them, when they all receive them.” This message from Somoya is validating.  I work in a profession in which I care and support those who live with mental health and addiction challenges. I do find it hard to equally support all the clients I follow, when they are receiving support in different ways from others.  Some clients get support from loved ones and from professional staff, while others get support out in the community through club houses and/or via agencies.  It is challenging not too over resource individuals, as they choose to or not to work towards their recovery goals.

Saturday, March 23rd During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "It wouldn't be so green, if it didn't smell so gross." I was having a difficult time receiving a message from Somoya.  I didn't want to wake my wife Kelli with my timer.  Instead, I went out to the living room to meditate.  I then struggled with meditating, due to the noise our two bunnies were generating by chewing on the wire cage.  They were starving for breakfast!  I kept telling myself to focus a few moments on my need, before meeting theirs.  Per history, once I get focused on others needs, my needs don't get met for the rest of the day. It was challenging to focus between the bunnies rattling their cage (and mine!),  and the street noise outside our living room window.  After an unsuccessful 30 minutes, I took a different approach with meditation.  Since I wasn't getting a quick message from Somo

Friday, March 22nd During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "So many stupid things people waste their money on." I couldn't agree more with Somoya on this one.  Growing up, my father modeled money management and the value of a dollar.  He often would state, "You work hard for your money.  Don't just give it all away!  Take the time to first research what you need or want to buy.  Don't go cheap or buy top of the line.  Middle price items tend to be best.  But definitely don't buy cheap.  You get what you pay for.  Also, live with in your means.  (For example, this means if you make 30,000 a year, try to live on 25,000 a year or less.  Put the rest in saving or invest.  Only spend a third of your income on rent.)  Don't buy things, unless you have the money.  Try to avoid multiple credit cards and credit balances or loans.  Do your best to pay off your credit

Thursday, March 21st During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "O.P" I didn't have a clue what this meant.  Then I recalled having a brief conversation with a social worker yesterday.  She was complaining about how her 14 year old son spends too much time gaming with his friends after school.  We were both sharing how our children have their electronic obsessions.  We both worry about their young lives being consumed by these devices.  She seemed to be more hip with the gaming world, than myself, by the way she talked.  Mason likes gaming, but so far has no interest in Minecraft.  My co-worker shared that her son struggles with seeing his obsession with this game.  They design the game as a way to form and connect to your peer group.  When we were growing up, we played directly with our friends and outside!  Now a lot of kiddos are "playing" indirectly via electronics from

Wednesday, March 20th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Gemini." I know this refers to our son Mason and his personality.  As I was coming out of my meditation, I heard my wife Kelli in the kitchen making a request, as if our son wasn't doing the things she and I have taught him.  Next I heard Kelli say with with excitement, "Look at the moon, Mason!"  Today is a full moon; it is called the super moon.  Both my wife and I need to have compassion towards Mason and be patient, based on these facts. Per history, Mason has behaviorally been more challenging, when it is a full moon.  I am going to give my wife the heads up before she leaves for work today.  In addition, I am going to try something new:  Before he leaves for school, gently remind him that I am aware that it is a full moon.   Request that he be mindful of his behavior and kind towards his mother when do

Tuesday, March 19th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I am going to wing it." Myself and several other Peer Specialists, have been asked to give a presentation on March 28th, 2019.  We are to share the value of our role and what it means to be peer with the people that we serve.  Our audience are psychiatric residents at the University of Washington.  They are curious about what we do and would like any take aways on how they can better assist people who live with mental illness and/or addictions. The doctor who invited us wanted us to possibly get together and brainstorm/plan the presentation.  This logistically is challenging due to tight schedules and people working in different buildings.  Today I was proactive and wrote the doctor an email.  I shared my definition of being a Peer Specialist and possible take aways for the residents.  She responded positively. I am therefo

Monday, March 18th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "He will go fast!" Over the weekend, our son Mason purchased his first new/used mountain bike with money that he received from his grandpa last Christmas.  My dad gave him 500.00.  Instead of having "Santa" bring Mason a bike for Christmas this year, Kelli and I thought it would be good to use the money to instill some values:  delaying instant gratification by learning patience, saving money and earning interest, determining how much to spend without "breaking the savings bank", listing out needs vs. wants, and then having the fun of shopping, test riding, and making the final purchase! When it came to needs, Mason definitely wanted a mountain bike, as many gears as his father, front and rear derailleur, and any color other than pink!  Setting a limit on the color of the bike cracked me up.  Why did he ha

Sunday, March 17th Happy St. Patrick's Day, bye the way! During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "It's on the other side."  My logic and feeling in the moment was compassion "being on the other side." I am running late this morning.  I had promised our son Mason that I would wake him at 7:30am.  He wanted to get a bike ride in, before making bread and me receiving tax assistance.  My concern is he won't have compassion for me oversleeping.  When Mason gets mad, he often acts passive/aggressive.  It is not that we are not going for a bike ride.  We are just starting the ride later than expected. As a result of oversleeping, getting Mason's wants met (cycling and bread making), and my needs met (tax return assistance), I felt very pressured, due to the time constraints of the day.  Managing limited time, often leads to my frustration and anger towards myself

Friday, March 15th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “See it in the mind’s eye.” I spend more time thinking than visualizing.  I want to get better at visualizing as I move throughout the day and moving towards accomplishing my goals.  I am very organized on paper, which is half the battle.  I need to combine both writing and visualizing each day and throughout the day.  As a result, I strongly believe tasks and goals will manifest much easier.  Moving forward, I am going to commit myself to more visualizing and hope for great results! Update on 3/22/19: I had a really busy week once again at work.  I used my cognitive method to get me through the most important tasks, which made me feel satisfied.  I only practiced visualization in the shower and in the meditation room before work.  I didn't try visualizing throughout the workday, which I was hoping to. Today is Friday and my da

Thursday, March 14th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Apologize."   Yesterday at work, I received a call from our son Mason a little before 5pm.  I was just finishing up teaching group on the psych unit.  He knows I work from 9-5:30pm, and not to call me at work, unless there is a serious problem.  Mason has never called me at work.  Therefore, my brain went to the worst scenario-there must be an emergency.   I immediately called Mason back, feeling and sounding on alert.  He sounded happy, not in distress, which was great news!  I then asked why he called me at work.  He stated he wanted me to be flexible around his science project.  He stated I had the best idea and wanted to use it.  (Mason's birth mom has been pushing to have him use my idea the past week.)  I felt caught off guard at work with the phone call.  On one hand, I was happy to hear his voice, but upse

Wednesday, March 13th During meditation before work, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Slow is good." I was thinking of a client I needed to intake while I was meditating.  She is a slow processor.  I am a slow processor too.  I know the world perceives being slow as "bad".    This has affected my self- esteem and self-worth the majority of my life.  In general, being slow doesn't create a lot of money for businesses/economy/one percent.   Although, in reality, processing and working at a slow rate is actually very good.  One demonstrates being thoughtful, mindful, precise, and high quality goods are produced as a result.  It comes down to quality vs. quantity, but unfortunately the majority in our world prefer quantity and making lots of money. Since early childhood, I have inherited the negative external stigma and have made it my internal stigma that being slow is bad.  I conti

Tuesday, March 12th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "2025 celebrate!" At first, I had no idea what this was referring to.  I made the quick assumption that it was pertaining to some sort of success with my business, and yet, who knows, possibly there maybe a connection.  Time will tell.  But when I started doing the math/counting the years, I excitedly discovered that the year 2025 is when Mason graduates from high school!  I consciously had never thought about this before, which made this message exciting and cool to experience!  I will be thrilled for Mason when he graduates.  I know the challenges of going through school living with ADD.   So far, Mason is reporting that he is having a better experience and receiving more support with his academics; than when I was going through school in the 70's, 80's, and 90's.  Mason shares that he especially enjoys m

Monday, March 11th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for the day.  I then heard an internal voice say, "This school year has been made hard by hardly anything." This message from Somoya is referring to our son Mason.  He has learning challenges, but he is very bright, like most children diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.  In spite of my wife Kelli and I advocating for him to be in as many general education classes, the system doesn't challenge him like the rest of the children.  It is fine that he is granted TAs to guide and assist in these classes.  Unfortunately, we have discovered this year that the TAs do more enabling than anything.  He is not given the same homework assignments in class.  Mason's homework load is pretty non-existent.   My wife Kels and I do our best to teach him additional academics in our home on our weeks. Somoya's message is referring to the fact that Mason has made reading and a current scienc

Sunday, March 10th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "My mother wasn't going to take away from my future choices." Being two years after my mom's death, I still strongly get messages referring to my relationship with my mom in the past.  In previous blog entries, I have mentioned my unhealthy connection to my mother.  She wasn't present, due to full-time work while I was an infant, toddler, and young child.  Also, she and I became super enmeshed when she became a stay home mom due to glaucoma.  My mom lost her vision and her career as a nurse when she was 48 years old.  I was 8.  My mom was passionate about being a professional health care provider and excellent at caring for her patients.   My mom and I quickly became co-dependent.  I was struggling with my learning challenges of living with ADD and preforming well in school.  My mom was struggling with slowly goin

Saturday, March 9th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “Making mountains out of mole hills.”  My mother and father use to say this saying to me during my youth.  I use to become easily upset and triggered by how my older siblings teased me and my performance in school.   When I woke today, I didn’t think this phrase would apply to anything, cause I had a good nights rest.  Also, I am spending the weekend alone with my wife.  Little did I know I would become triggered an hour later by a sibling group text.   I dislike group texts and do my best to avoid them.  In my opinion, texting often is a lazy way of communicating.  My brother Pat sent a text sharing he had dinner with several of our relatives.  This automatically generated hurt feelings.  I felt excluded and isolated.  It took me several moments to internally calm myself down.  I needed to remind myself that in prior conversati

Friday, March 8th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “Kate McNaulty made that for me.” I am aware that Kate, the Director of the three psych units, speaks highly of me and the cognitive behavioral method that I developed and own.  She has allowed me to run my support group five times a week on inpatient for the last several years. The hospital is now moving towards all evidence based methods.  I believe because of Kate, the hospital is more interested in working with me.  It has been brought to my attention, via an LA consultant, that the hospital would like to begin collecting data on my method, in hopes to make it evidence based.  As a result, I have reached out to a psychiatrist on the units.  We are now taking steps to have a conversation and get permission from the director of psych.  I am very grateful for Kate’s friendship and support! 3/11/19 UPDATE: I received an email from w

Thursday, March 7th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Help me to reduce stress."  I was aware that this is my mom's birthday today.  She passed away at age 84, on December 8th, 2016. During my meditation, I found myself thinking about how I could get some juice today at work, without spending a lot of money.  The problem is I use sugar and salt to reduce stress in by overall daily life, but especially today, since I am reminded of my mom's birthday. I have stage three kidney disease due to taking medication over the years.  I have been made aware by my nephrologist that too much sugar and salt is not healthy for my kidneys, eyes, and limbs.  I need to use natural ways, such as more cardio and meditation to help reduce daily stress. My work on inpatient psych is extremely stressful, but rewarding at the same time.  This is why I stick it out in this type of environmen

Wednesday, March 6th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Nanny gets down...Gets healthy!" I know for certain that this message from Somoya pertains to my wife Kelli.  She has been a professional nanny for many affluent families for over 20 years.  As of last year, she retired from this profession. In December, my wife was sharing how she is trying to "find her enough" in hopes to be overall happy.  She and I have been eating healthier as vegans for the past 3 or 4 years.  Then one of her friends introduced her to a program called Beach Body.  This program has nutritional vegan supplements, short yet intense exercise videos, virtual coaches, certifications, and books. My wife loves Beach Body, because the program is holistic.  It is addressing the body as a whole:  Mind, body, and soul.    She is first getting her self fit, and then plans to coach others to transform

Monday, March 4th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Get your hands off me!"  I heard this after reading the great news from my intellectual copyright lawyer Mike Atkins.  I read his email the moment I woke up and before meditating.  He stated I could confidently move forward with collaborating with the University of Washington and Harborview in collecting data, in hopes of making OPA For Mental Health, LLC evidence based.  I am very excited! Per history, when I have had moments of being confident and strong, people become very attracted to me at work.  Not in a sexual way, but more in an energetic way.  They want to be close or have a piece of my positive energy.  They start to find ways to be close, touch my shoulder or arm without permission, or become very chatting.  This annoys me like hell!  I am easily distracted.  I like to focus on my work and get it done when I am in th

Sunday, March 3rd During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "My Universal friend."  In addition, I had a really good feeling prior to what I heard in regards to OPA For Mental Health, LLC becoming big.  I felt confident, excited, and open to future collaboration.  I feel ready to pursue OPA For Mental Health, LLC in hopes of collecting data and making it evidence based with University of Washington and Harborview. I was just recently informed by a health management consultant out of LA that Harborview is interested in collecting data and making OPA For Mental Health, LLC evidence based.  I deserve this success!  This would be the best way to make OPA as big as Oprah for mental health.  I trust everything will work out.  I have been saying the following mantra over and over since this past Friday:  "I am hearing supportive words from Mike Atkins, my intellectual property lawyer.  I a

Saturday, March 2nd During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Free referral." At first, I didn't know what this message was pertaining to.  But this past Friday, I ended up needing to tackle our family and business taxes.  It took longer this year to receive all the paperwork from our employers for some reason.  Therefore, it had us searching for a tax accountant late in the game.  I had one guy in mind to call.  I reached out and he wasn't taking on new clients, due to being too busy.  My next best idea was to make a request on the app Nextdoor.  This is where I ended up getting "free referrals" from near by neighbors. I ended up having a neighbor confirm that a local tax accountant, by the name of Eric at CPA Professionals, was excellent.  He stated Eric was very honest and professional.  I gave Eric a call.  He was so honest, that he stated based on what I shared

Friday, March 1st During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "She wasn't there!"  It was loud in my head and sounded like my voice. It was upsetting to hear.  My mom's birthday is coming up.  She would of been 86 years old on March 7th, 2019.  My mom died two years ago on December 8th.   My childhood is a blur to me.  I believe I have always lived with anxiety, which doesn't help with recalling memories.  I have one vivid memory that still runs through my mind from time to time.  I see myself in my crib.  It is in the evening.  I am standing up and crying in the dark.  I am saying, "You don't love me!  You don't love!"  I repeat this over and over again, as my mom stands on the other side of the crib and tries to reassure me that she does.  Yet she doesn't hold me or touch me.   The story goes, my sister Erin and my sister Kathleen did a lot o

Thursday, February 28th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "All I want to do is make money.  I feel comfortable making money." This was an unusual yet comforting message for me to hear.  All my life I have been playing martyr.  I learn to be a "victim/sufferer" by observing how my mom navigated through her lifetime on this earth.  It didn't serve her well.  Therefore, it hasn't served me well to be Marty the martyr. I recognize now that I can continue to be of service to others, but be open to making more money in the process.  I am at a point in my life where I am excited to let go of my fears and control.  I want to collaborate with others, in hopes of making my intellectual property assist and offer support to as many people as possible. When my development becomes evidence based, I will have countless opportunities to teach others and make money in the pr

Wednesday, February 27th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “Happy well adjusted kids.”  My only guess was this was referring to our friends Nina and Greg’s family.  They have four young children.  The children are being home schooled thus far.  They practice the Christian faith.  The children are all very social, outgoing, and appear to be happy every time we visit.  They all have a ton of energy and are fun to be around. Also, when I awoke in the middle of the night, I vividly saw numbers on three cubes floating in darkness.  I am very curious what these numbers mean.  I wrote them in a piece of paper to keep.

Tuesday, February 26th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “He’s leeping.  He’s weeping.”  This was startling to hear, but I recognize out of my control.  I am not sure who this message is referring to or when it will occur.  I don’t know my relationship to this individual.