Insights not Spite

Wednesday, January 23rd, During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I am not an Island."   Yesterday, I worked extremely well being a team player, while being the lead.  I stayed focused on the client's needs being met, rather than worrying about who got the credit.  I was flexible, humble, asked for assistance when needed.  I praised those who assisted me in supervision and team meeting.   This is new for me to work this way with my co-workers.  I was raised to be very competitive.  I learned from family in the past, best to just do everything yourself, if you want to get it done right.  I am learning this mindset is true in a lot cases, but not all cases.  I need to be able to do a better job of learning to discern between the two choices:  working alone and working as a team.   This will take more practice.  

Monday, January 21st During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Does it stick it to the wall, or does it stick it to the man?" I was thinking about the Martin Luther King Jr. march prior to hearing this.  I really like this question.  I am challenged with this question everyday at work.  Up until now, I haven't shown the courage to stick it to the man in our society.  I need to speak up for what is right in our society, rather than fear the consequences of doing so.  I don't fear speaking out at work, due to being backed by a union.  Gathering in large groups of like minded people needs to give me the same since of protection.  I now recognize that I have lacked real courage, when it comes to dealing with large organizations such as state or federal government. With courage and apprehension, my son and I gathered for the rally and marched in Seattle this afternoon.  Overall, th

Sunday, January 20th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Staircase to heaven." This may be pertaining to the volunteer program that I participate in called NODA.  This volunteer program is designed to keep people from dying alone.  We as volunteers sign up to sit with people for one hour at a time as often as we can.  I haven't been available lately, due to not being in a good head space, due to work and personal reasons.  I want to partake, but I no it wouldn't be beneficial for the person I am sitting with.  I need to address my needs and take care of myself first, before being their for others. This evening at 5:09pm, I received a text stating they need volunteers to sit with another person.  I hope to be able to be available as a volunteer soon.  I really enjoyed my first experience of sitting with a gentleman several months ago.  It puts life in perspective, and dee

Saturday, January 19th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I would wipe out anger." Prior to meditation, I was thinking of my old house and my father's perfectionism and anger.  He built our house with one of his best friends.   My father took a lot of pride in being a perfectionist and the results of his hard work.  When things inside or outside the house were damaged, he would erupt like a volcano.  He had seven children.  In addition, we had many dogs throughout the years of growing up. I have taken on both his perfectionism and anger over the years.  I too can become very angry when my material belongings are damaged by people or pets.   I value the perfectionism.  It has served me well over the years.  being a perfectionist has made me discipline, patient, and persistent.  This quality has made me an excellent student, athlete, employee, inventor, partner, and father ov

Thursday, January 17th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Grand doctors." Most likely refers to the doctors I work with on the different units.  Most of the psychiatric attendings are sympathetic, empathetic, and excellent at what they do for the population we serve-people living with mental illness and/or addictions.  I have built rapport with several of the attendings over the years.  I will miss learning and working with them as a team, when I eventually move on to another position.

Wednesday, January 16th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I like you to meet my boy." This MLK weekend, we allowed our son Mason to have a sleep over.  We are house and dog sitting for close friends that have become family over the years.  My wife and I have met our son's friend several times, but it is almost always in his own environment.   All children and adults present differently, where they feel safest.  Therefore, it was really nice to see how Mason's friend would behave with this sleep over, away from his comfort zone.  The boy was very sensitive, polite, kind, well mannered, and easily redirectable.  The moment he came through the door, he asked what had happened to my eye.  (I received a black eye running into the edge of a bookcase in the dark several days prior.)  He stated, "I hope you get better soon!" Our son Mason and his friend had a great t

Tuesday, January 15th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Half a million Dollars."  I am not sure what this message is about. Update: 1/20/19 While dropping our son's friend off, after a sleep over, I had a nice conversation with his father.  One of the topics we touched on was owning domain names and websites.  He stated he has owned a domain name and website for 20 years.  My friend stated the domain name alone is worth more than 250,000.00.  He stated he hopes to have a friend purchase the domain name and website sometime this year.  He believes he can get more than this amount.  I hope my friend is fortunate enough to get a half a million or more.

Monday, January 14th During morning meditation, I spoke to my Spirit Guide Somoya.  I asked her what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "You're a human being.  You don't have to keep doing this." I naturally feel this pertains to work.  I have been working 5 years on inpatient psych.  Prior to this, I worked 5 years outpatient in behavioral health.  I was told to take on this position by my director, due to my skill-set.  I really loved outpatient.  I was excellent at what I did for the people we served.  For me, it was much less nerve racking working with individuals who are taking steps towards their recovery outside of the hospital. I feel more stressed being around and dealing with others trying to manage their acute symptoms on the unit.  People and the environment are unpredictable, leaving me on guard.  For me, being on the units often is traumatizing, due to what I see and hear.  The daily drama in the workplace (whether p

Sunday, January 1/13/19 During morning meditation, I spoke to my Spirit Guide Somoya.  I asked her what I needed to know for the day.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I am a perfectionist." I feel this part of my personality is a blessing...and a curse.  By being a perfectionist with my academics was a curse.   It lead to me burning out early, and barely making it through high school...emotionally.  I was a straight A student, up until my senior year.  I ended up with a 3.9 cum, in spite of my learning challenges.  I secretly felt suicidal.  I quietly went to my brother Pat for support.  I couldn't bare to share these dark feelings with my parents.  I didn't want to worry them.  They were already overwhelmed.  My parents were constantly dealing with problems involving a couple of my older siblings.   Pat encouraged me to work on being less of a perfectionist.  He encouraged me to continue to have fun with competitive cycling.  Pat stated I needed to make sure

Saturday, January 12th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know today.   I then heard an internal voice say, "I love this unit."   Not just benefits keep me at my current job.  I also love running groups and working with most of my co-workers on the unit.   Unfortunately, technically none of this staff are from the department I work for.  I am just assigned this unit for the project I assist with.  Also, soon most of the people on the unit will eventually leave.  There has been a lot of management turnover recently, and many haven't been replaced.  

Friday, January 11th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "When you think of this...you're not just one person producing this." I feel that Somoya is informing me that I need to really work on being a team player, if I am going to team up with Eric to present and train others on OPA For Mental Health out in the community.  The past ten years I have created, trained, and run groups on my own.  In order to move forward and make OPA For Mental Health, LLC successful out in the community, I have to be willing to work with Eric as a close business partner.  I need to be willing to trust his word and his ideas.  I need to be open to his suggestions.  I need to be secure.  I need to allow Eric to share his excitement in this business venture.   This is going to be fun!

Thursday, January 10th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for the day.  I then heard an internal voice say, "When is the big day?!" I felt excitement when hearing this question from Somoya.  I am not sure what this might pertain to.  Possibly new job opportunities?  It has been on my mind a lot, but haven't applied for anything.  Just pursing a company website I am interested in. Update:  1/11/19 I met with my good friend, Melinda Kaur.  She is a Reiki Master.   Melinda taught me Reiki eleven years ago.  She eventually certified me as a Reiki Master.  We got together to catch up over tea and chocolate.  We meet up every several months or so.  She and I were planning to team up and have me on her Reiki website, so that I could offer long distance Reiki.  When I came over for a visit, she initially started off trying to take some action around getting me on her website.  She and I are both not computer savvy.  In addition

Wednesday, January 9th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for the day.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I needed to do self-care." Our son Mason woke me up at 5am this morning.  His flu symptoms came back.  He had stomach cramps and threw up.  I cared for him and went back to bed.  This was very bad timing.  I just started to recover from three nights of insomnia.  Rather than assess him in the morning and consider having him go to school, I immediately made the decision to stay home with him.  I knew I would be emotionally vulnerable, have increased symptoms, and less productive at work.  In the past, I felt bad taking off mental health days, and use to try and muscle through it.  Now I see it is necessary and best to be honest with myself and others and do self-care.  Thank you Somoya for sending me a message that validated my decision making today.  As a result, I took it easy today as I cared for our son Mason.  I made

Tuesday, January 8th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I apologized for the behavior I did." My three days of insomnia caused me to become very emotional and easily argumentative in the days to follow.  I ended up getting into two verbal disagreements with my wife Kelli this past weekend.  It was mentally exhausting and frustrating for both of us.  When I become this way, it is extremely difficult for me to stop engaging and let the topic go.  My wife was brilliant.  She suddenly, yet peacefully, approached me.  Kelli offered a long loving hug.  I gladly accepted and desperately needed it!  I was just too embarrassed to ask for my need to be met, due to childhood trauma.  I assumed my wife would see me as weak, by requesting such touch.  This is not her natural response (offering touch), but she knew I needed it to calm me down. My son Mason witnessed this disagreement.  He th

Monday, January 7th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Talk to an attorney.  Who are these people?" My assumption is it may be referring to partnering up with Eric.  We need to get the facts, so we can know the best way to move forward as two business partners.  First of all I don't know what Eric wants.  He has asked me what I want and expect.  I need to ask Eric the next time we meet.  I want to be fair, since he is willing to contribute and co-present/teach OPA For Mental Health, LLC in the community.  I trust Eric, since I have worked with and known him for 10 years.  In addition, I want Eric safe/protected financially. Later this morning, when I was at work, a co-worker was sharing how he shares a house with roommates.  He stated they recently interviewed and accepted a new roommate.  My co-worker stated he interviewed well, but it appears he is a drug dealer.  The new

Sunday, January 6th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “It still needs stamps.  Are you willing to work on it?” When I heard Somoya’s message, I immediately thought of my son Mason.  I want him to write thank you cards to all who had given him gifts for Christmas.  I have been feeling apprehensive about having him do this project, because it most likely will make him behave passive aggressive.  This is based on per history. When I finished meditation, I stated to my wife and son what Somoya had shared.  Naturally, Kels was open and supportive, but I was happily surprised that our son was also open and willing.  He had to write a sentence or two in a total of 5 thank you cards.  Somoya was correct.  After doing this project, we now need more stamps in order to pay bills.

During morning meditation, I asked my Sprit Guide what I needed to know for today. I then heard an internal voice say, “Oh, hi Erin!” My sister Erin had made a request to see our son before Christmas.  My family already had plans for winter break.  I now feel the need to reach out today and plan this weekend, or another weekend.  I texted my sister.  We are going to get together soon.

Friday, January 4th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "What's keeping it from being alive?" I feel this message from Somoya pertains to a new career opportunity.  I lack confidence and fear failure.  Per history, I haven't failed at trying new positions, in fact, I have thrived!  I would just get anxious, cause of fear...up until now!  Ray, a co-worker, pointed out yesterday that my life experience and work experience way outweigh others book learning and degrees.  He stated I need to go where I am appreciated.  Then Ray said, "If the path is easy and supportive...take it!  Don't sell yourself short on pay.  Ask for more!"  Thank you Universe for sending me Ray to engage with.  I have seen him around over the years, but have never had a meaningful conversation with him.  He has always shot me a smile and said hello.  Thank you Somoya for questioning m

Thursday, January 3rd During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say,"I tried my best."   The last two nights I have had insomnia.  It is very rare that I get insomnia.  I have NEVER had two nights in arrow, since my first episode of bi-polar in my early twenties.  This is causing me much angst.  The number one thing that can cause me to have symptoms, is lack of sleep.  I quickly fall apart and it takes days for me to recover, if my sleep gets back on track right away.  As a result of inadequate or interrupted sleep, the following happens:  I can't think clearly,  I become irritable, irrational, edgy, argumentative, emotional, negative, and overall my mind feels slow and numb.  It is incredibly debilitating.  I find it very difficult to be around others.  It is emotionally hard on my wife and son, if I am not willing to be transparent about what I am experiencing and feeling.  Everyone

Wednesday, January 2nd During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I seem to connect with black people." Although I am technically Caucasian (mix of Lebanese, Irish, and a little French), other Caucasians have often questioned whether I am white or not.  I have experienced this since childhood.  I am olive complexion and have black curly hair.  Other whites don't feel comfortable around me, since they are not sure if I belong in "their category".  I since this discrimination all the time at work and in the general public.  I personally don't feel I "fit in" or feel "included".  Surprisingly, often black people welcome me with a smile.  We join in conversation easily.  The topic never comes up about "what are you?"  The clients that I connect with best at work are black.  I have several co-workers and a couple friends from my young adulthood

Tuesday, January 1st During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Go over resume with fine tooth comb." I had waited several months for a co-worker to update my resume.  She finally sent me the first draft in December.  I didn't feel like doing the hard work of reviewing her draft.  I wanted to trust her work was good enough and just add references.  I wanted to be done with it and start applying for jobs. I was planning to apply for jobs today, first of the New Year.  Thank you Somoya for encouraging me to look over the first draft.  I ended up spending the entire afternoon making corrections and adding some information.  I also had the opportunity to speak with my friend Patty via text.  She too offered support around fine tuning my resume, along with my wife's assistance.  I am now really happy with my resume.   I can now apply for jobs with confidence.

Monday, December 31st During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya, what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "Rogers being paid half in the first round."  Then I heard, "Sometimes parents don't always know what's best." The first message from Somoya doesn't make any sense to me, if it is referring to Arron Rogers, the quarterback for the Packers.  He just signed a four year contract fall of 2018, making him the highest paid quarterback.  The Packers did have a terrible season this year.  They fired their coach three games before the end of the season.  They traded two great players half way through.  The Packers played one of their worst games the last game of the season, getting shut out.  It would be a major shocker to have Rogers break his contract and play for another team. Possibly it is referring to another Rogers.  So, out of curiosity, I did do a Google search on other Rogers.  Eventually, I came ac