I Tried My Best (Contains Update)

Thursday, January 3rd

During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say,"I tried my best."  

The last two nights I have had insomnia.  It is very rare that I get insomnia.  I have NEVER had two nights in arrow, since my first episode of bi-polar in my early twenties.  This is causing me much angst.  The number one thing that can cause me to have symptoms, is lack of sleep.  I quickly fall apart and it takes days for me to recover, if my sleep gets back on track right away.  As a result of inadequate or interrupted sleep, the following happens:  I can't think clearly,  I become irritable, irrational, edgy, argumentative, emotional, negative, and overall my mind feels slow and numb.  It is incredibly debilitating.  I find it very difficult to be around others.  It is emotionally hard on my wife and son, if I am not willing to be transparent about what I am experiencing and feeling.  Everyone does best, if I state my needs and I initiate self-care.  

I am hoping to get my sleep back on track this evening.  Previous to the insomnia, I was off for 12 days for vacation.  I thought it would be great to allow my body to just wake up when it felt rested.  I went to bed pretty much the same time each evening.  This ended up with me sleeping 11 to 12 hours a day.  I felt well rested each day, but had no  idea I would end up making myself susceptible to insomnia.  In addition, I had over 8 hours of screen time strait, updating my resume and OPA manual.  This occurred the night before going back to work.  

Update: 1/4/19    

I ended up having a third night of insomnia last night.  This time I couldn't fall asleep after peeing.  I laid awake for two hours in the early AM.  I ended up going to the gym early to get some cardio.  I know cardio will up my chances with breaking the insomnia cycle.  I ended up riding over two hours.  This made me feel very tired all day today.  

1/5/19:  I finally broke the insomnia cycle!  I am so received and hopeful.  I have been documenting on my phone regarding my number of nights with insomnia and possible remedies.  The cardio, herbal tea, and reading before bed did the trick.  I tend not to do any of these on a regular basis.  I haven't exercised in weeks.  I really feel sleepy with the tea and reading right before bed.  Feeling emotionally stable and being able to function well will take me several days now.  I have been transparent with my family about this.  My wife and son both understand and are very supportive.   

1/6/19:  Again, I slept great and had dreams.  This occurred even without exercise, reading, or tea.  The key thing was I went to bed on time, like the other two evenings.  I do want to keep up the exercise as much as possible (three times a week).  I plan to do tea and reading nightly.  I will feel completely myself by Monday or Tuesday.  It is apparent I MUST keep my regular sleep hygiene the same, whether for work, weekends, or on vacation.  I don't want to experience this again, or put my loved ones through this.  It causes all of us too much stress.