Making Mountains out of Mole Hills

Saturday, March 9th

During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, “Making mountains out of mole hills.”  My mother and father use to say this saying to me during my youth.  I use to become easily upset and triggered by how my older siblings teased me and my performance in school.  

When I woke today, I didn’t think this phrase would apply to anything, cause I had a good nights rest.  Also, I am spending the weekend alone with my wife.  Little did I know I would become triggered an hour later by a sibling group text.  

I dislike group texts and do my best to avoid them.  In my opinion, texting often is a lazy way of communicating.  My brother Pat sent a text sharing he had dinner with several of our relatives.  This automatically generated hurt feelings.  I felt excluded and isolated.  It took me several moments to internally calm myself down.  I needed to remind myself that in prior conversations, I have communicated with my siblings that I don’t do well with family gatherings.  I find being around several family members at once to be upsetting and triggering.  Old patterns come to the surface quickly and the unhealthy family dynamics reveals its ugly head.  I had to remind myself that I do best communicating with each sibling individually.  I need to be grateful that I have at least gained back relationships (some more superficial than others) with family over the past year.  I often have to remind myself I am healthiest avoiding family group functions, whether it be parties, weddings, or funerals.  I can express my love from a distance through letters, cards, gifts, or phone calls.  My plan is to avoid group texting and group functions moving forward, but stay in touch with loved ones via individual communication.

I am very grateful now that Somoya sent me this message today.  My old self would of made “mountains out of mole hills”.  For example, if my feelings were badly hurt, I would completely disconnect from family and friends.  This is a large feat for me to self regulate, be rational, and own that I created these circumstances (being excluded from family gatherings or parties with friends) by setting healthy boundaries for my well-being.

Deep down I know I am better off dealing with family and friends one on one, but the isolation from gatherings can be hard at times, because I do have some fond memories of being happy with everyone when I was a child.  Sometimes I really yearn for those old experiences.  Sometimes it is very hard for me to hold my line and have a spine, but thus far I am doing a great job of being true to myself and avoiding pleasing others. Pleasing others is what leads to me not doing well and getting either sick physically and/or mentally.  I deserve to remain healthy: mind, body, and soul.