Insights not Spite

Sunday, September 30th This morning during meditation I asked Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I internally heard, "First misdemeanor".  My first angst was around my son Mason.  It was only a thought, not a gut feeling.  But to be frankly honest, I didn't know exactly what a first misdemeanor was, except that it involved breaking the law in someway.  I assumed my son, only because he is growing up fast!  He is now 11 years old.  Soon our son will be a teenager, often making poor decisions, due to raging hormones and peer pressure.  Today I took him to a 5 hour class regarding sex education.  He was shy and innocent about the whole content.  As a parent you wish this will last forever. Naturally, I Googled misdemeanor.  One website stated that a misdemeanor is worse than citations or lessor crimes punishable only by fines.  It is also a different classification from felonies.  One can serve up to one year in cou...

Saturday, September 29th This morning, I had more free time to meditate, so I tried again.  I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for the day.  I then internally heard, "Never give up on your dreams, Daddy!"  This was in my son Mason's voice.  (During summer break Mason encouraged me to blog daily what I hear during daily meditations, rather than just journal in a notebook.  He said he loves hearing what my Spirit Guide Somoya has to share, and feels others would find it interesting too.) I realized yesterday, during my meditation walk, that I have stopped visualizing daily about having a successful consulting business.   I do more thinking about it, than anything, when I am at my primary job.  I have stopped with supportive "I am" statements in regards to my business being lucrative.   I haven't been saying my "I am" statements out loud.  In addition, most importantly, I haven't been feeling it.  I need to get back to...

Saturday, September 29th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  Soon I internally heard, "Martha is coming over to HMC...that shows you how bad it is." Martha is a case manager who specializes in housing on outpatient.  I have worked with her for over 9 years.  I am not sure what Somoya's statement means.  Possibly, Martha is coming over to present on information about housing with our team.  Or, she is coming over to work permanently. There definitely is a housing crisis in Seattle.  This has been going on for years.  Housing is our number one barrier for getting people to discharge quickly from the psych units.  We as a community need to make low income housing a priority in King County.  The problem is no one wants low income housing in their neighborhood.  The reality is homelessness is not going away without financial assistance, but only going to get worse, if we ignor...

Friday, September 28th Friday is one of my days off from work.  My wife Kels is out of town to see the Packers play in Green Bay this coming Sunday.  Therefore, I had to skip my morning meditation and run my son off to school.  After dropping off my son, I ate his Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast.  I was feeling lazy, and wanted something simple and sweet.  As I was enjoying the cereal, I was going through my unread emails.  One email that I am subscribed to is called Environmental Washington.  The subject was about a ban on bee-killing pesticides lifted by the Trump Administration recently.  This was the first synchronistic moment I noticed today:  I was eating Honey Nut Cheerios, while reading about bumble bees being threatened in more than 850 million acres nationwide.  I then went on Google and looked up Honey Nut Cheerios.  There was a whole webpage dedicated to how General Mills is collaborating with a ...

Thursday, September 27th This morning during meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what she wanted me to know for today.  I then internally heard, "I was completely burnt out from home."   My childhood was exhausting.  I had to deal with a large family of drama.  I am the youngest of seven.  There was violence that I observed, yelling, siblings leaving or being kicked out of the home, a sibling missing for a decade, a couple siblings struggling with drug addictions, and one struggling with chronic physical problems.  In addition, I had my issues to.  I also was caught between having to take sides, when it came to living with my parents.  Neither liked one another or respected one another.  When they would get angry with my behavior, either one would say, "You are just like your mother!" or "You are just like your father!"  The problem is I wanted to be loved by both.  I want to please.  I felt if I didn't secretly take...

Wednesday, September 26th This morning during meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide what I needed to know for today.  Internally I heard, "Surround yourself with positive energy.  Keep your energy vibe high."   Yesterday I had a team meeting.  The sharing was mostly negative energy being vented by others and myself about management and the culture of the work environment.  I would rather focus on positive solutions.  I did suggest celebrating the client's successes more around the clinic-promote their recovery, rather than the employee successes of Harborview.  Co-worker Robie suggested we each do WOW! cards for each as peers.  I suggested Robin DeAngelo being hired to present on racism and on institutional racism.  I stated my wife is best friends with her.  I requested that my supervisor ask upper management to consider hiring her.  My supervisor stated she would look into it and check out her book.

Tuesday, September 25th During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then internally heard, "More than 10 ways to enjoy a deep kiss."  I was visually seeing my wife and feeling myself kissing her.  I then Googled.  I found a website describing 13 ways to kiss.  I enjoyed the article and learned some new things.  I emailed my wife this morning and shared my insight.  I stated I would like to take more initiative on how to kiss.  I love being romantic.  It is part of who I am.  I have lost touch with it over the years.  I find kissing sexy and fun, and it doesn't need to lead to making love.  It is a sensual way to connect and show affection for one another at any point in a relationship.  My goal is to learn different ways and take the lead, so kissing feels more passionate.  Kissing is a skill and an art that draws two people closer.  ...

Monday, September 24th During morning meditation, I called upon my Spirit Guide Somoya and asked what I needed to know for today. I internally heard, "We are allowing that treaty to be over indulgent." I went online to make some logical sense of this. My only conclusion is many articles are stating that Trump is trying to leave Canada out of renegotiation of the NAFTA treaty with Mexico. It appears that Trump is trying to come away with the best deal and leave out our second largest trading partner...Canada. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds.

Sunday, September 23rd After awakening, I meditated.  I called upon my Spirit Guide Somoya.  I internally heard, "How do you use log shots?"  I wasn't sure what this was referencing.  I then Googled log shots.  Two different things came up, which I immediately felt would peak my son's interest.  He loves making videos on his iPhone and my old video camera.  After previewing one video and one article about log shots, I shared with my son.  After viewing the U-Tube video about using "Log-Format Recording" on a video camera for cleaning up video shots, he stated, "That was fascinating!"  He then immediately began to summarize what he learned.  Then I showed my son the video/film log worksheet that directors and assistant directors use to keep track of shots, so that later on it doesn't become difficult to edit.  My son then stated, "I find the log sheet overwhelming."     

Saturday, September 22nd My wife asked to meditate this evening.  I shared my latest entry with her on this blog.  I also shared how I had changed the name of the blog.  She thought it was OK.  My wife paused, and then suggested that I call upon my Spirit Guide Somoya for assistance with a name.  I was open to her recommendation.   During meditation, I internally heard, "Energy Waves Communicate".  I then shared with my wife.  We both liked it.  The blog title is clear and logical.    I have a tendency to try and be witty and clever.  I had learned this from my brother Joel when he was alive.  I admired him and wanted to be a lot like him.  Even though myself and others loved his wit and cleverness.  Although, when he would put it to writing, the brilliance often made most of us feel confused or it went over our heads.  His best delivery was verbal.  That is why...

Saturday, September 22 During morning meditation I called upon my Spirit Guide Somoya. I asked what I needed to know for today.  Shortly after, I internally heard, "You're eating all of my wonderful foods!"  A few moments later I heard, "The magician has taken it's place."  I saw and felt myself eating raw foods.  My wife and I keep talking more and more about going back to eating raw.  To be vegan and eat vegan is easy, plus it can be fattening too.  I have been vegan for close to three years now with my wife.  I needed to change my diet in order to extend the life of my kidneys.  It is definitely working.  But overall, I know I would feel even better and more alive, if I could be disciplined enough to eat all raw for all my meals.  I need to put forth the effort to juice, do smoothies, and make salads and more creative meals with my wife.  She ideally wanted to eat raw, but I was feeling like I wasn't getting enough calorie...

Friday, September 21st During morning meditation I internally heard, "Trump trying to get in the way of unions."  I haven't been exposed to news on the TV or newspapers lately.  Also no conversation with co-workers, family or friends about Trump and unions.  I am not sure what this is all about.   I decided to Google "Trump and unions".  Several articles came up how Trump verbally attacked the head of America's biggest labor union-Richard Trumka, chief of AFL-CIO.  Trumka had criticized the president's strategy for renegotiating NAFTA.   On September 3rd of 2018, PBS News Hour stated, "The Trump administration has been ramping up pressure on organized labor and federal workers lately.  The president issued executive orders limiting the activities of the unions that represent them--which was later blocked by a federal judge--then eliminated a potential pay hike for federal employees." After receiving this insight, I inte...

Thursday, September 20th During morning meditation I internally heard, "I think you need to work toward your journeys."  I at first didn't quite understand.  I have always looked at life as one journey...not multiple journeys.  I believe this pertains to multiple goals/skill-sets that I have:  Living a healthy lifestyle, being a good husband and father, doing a good job at my employment, being a good friend to my friends, growing my consulting business for mental health, practicing Reiki, meditation and blogging, and being psychic for myself and others.   I need to strongly believe that all can be balanced and practiced daily.   Lately I have been more worried and focused about the journeys of my wife and son.  Both are embarking on new journeys of their own this late summer/early fall.  Everyone is getting much busier, which easily can lead to disconnect and weaker relationships, if the hard work isn't done to communic...

Wednesday, September 19th  This morning while meditating I internally heard, "That was a great email!"  I was assuming that this would pertain to the business proposal email that I would be planning to write today during my lunch break.  After meditating, I visualized my entire workday while showering.  I saw myself grazing on my lunch earlier in the day, as needed, and then writing during my entire break.  I was thrilled to have it manifest.  I was able to generate 90 percent of my proposal by the end of my lunch break.  I was able to finish the rest while riding the bus home from work.  I then read my rough draft to my wife out loud.  She offered some grammatical critiques, but stated she really loved what I wrote.  I truly felt the same way.   I am proud of my hard work.  I plan to send the email to my brother Brian tomorrow in hopes of getting some feedback.  My goal is to send off the proposal to the agenc...

Tuesday, September 18th This morning during meditation I internally heard, "Put on your daily list...Hey, don't forget your goals."  I received this message when I asked my Spirit Guide what I needed to know for today. Yesterday I generated another opportunity for a future paid training, but I was asked to email a proposal with pricing.  I was too tired last evening to compose a good proposal, so I decided my goal would be to write my business email while on lunch break today.  I am finding that it isn't realistic to address my business goals only on days off from my primary employment.  I need to be more flexible and achieve steps towards my business goals during my free time Monday thru Thursday.  Even though I wasn't able to compose my business email, due to having to eat on the run today, the business email was at least on my mind. I am looking forward to an opportunity to write the email tomorrow during my lunch break.   My on...

Monday, September 17th During morning meditation I internally heard, "That is lame...I can't do that."  Before meditation, I was thinking briefly about my need to do an intake on a clt right when I get to work.  He discharges today.  This may refer to something he shares with me, but I can't take action on.  This is just a guess.  I met him briefly last Thursday.  He is in his seventies.  The man seems very critical of others in general and frustrated about his current housing situation. He talks non-stop and repeats the same stressor over an over.  It is difficult to get a word in edgewise.  The man seems very lonely.   He does admit to isolating and that he struggles with starting up conversations with others in the community.  He is convinced that his upstairs neighbor is purposely keeping him awake at night. I will just have to see how the week pans out to see if this phrase makes anymore sense.

Sunday, September 16th During morning meditation I internally heard, "Dusty won on PTSD."  I had no idea what this pertain to.  I don't know anyone by the name of Dusty, but possibly I will me a clt at work this week named Dusty.  Sometimes I get messages that come to fruition in the near future.   Out of curiosity, I did look up Dusty and PTSD.  I read a very interesting article about a woman Vietnam vet who lives with PTSD.  She only gives her first name and the article is under Vancouver Island University.  It was published online in 1994.  I personally learned some new things by reading her article.  By her sharing about her PTSD, I felt she won by expanding my knowledge of PTSD.  First off, I made the assumption that Dusty was a man.  I was totally wrong.   Second, I made the assumption that only men served in the Vietnam war.  She is a woman that served as a nurse.  She shares in her article t...

Saturday, September 15th I woke up sick this morning with a extremely bad sore throat, congestion, and upper respiratory dry cough.  I choose to do Reike on my throat, which did at least reduce my pain.  I am at least able to swallow and drink water experiencing little pain.  I believe I got sick,  due to having to wait two months for a more thorough medical examination.  The unknown often causes stress for anyone. During morning meditation I internally heard, "Doctors need to be more transparent."  Yesterday, after two months of waiting, I finally met with a specialist to find out if a soft tissue mass in my throat, discovered by my PCP, was a tumor or not.  Thankfully after more palpation and ultrasound, it was determined that one of my lymph nodes is large, but not abnormal.  The specialist was not concerned and did not recommend a biopsy.  He then stated, "Your PCP has good palpation skills!...But you als...

Friday, September 14th In July I went for my annual physical.  My primary care physician felt a soft tissue mass on the left side of my neck.  He seemed alarmed, but told me not to worry.  He also stated not to worry or lose sleep, due to the fact that he was referring me to the Swedish Cancer Institute.  He stated he was just playing it safe and by going to this institution, it was "one stop shopping", and could avoid making multiple referrals in the future, if necessary. To be honest, I am a little worried.  The past week I have been having more difficulty with swallowing and it has been waking me up the past two nights.  It is possible I could just be sick.  I no longer have my tonsils, so I don't get the really bad sore throats that I use to, which would slow me down.  It will be a relief to finally get the facts today at my long awaited appointment. When I woke up this morning, I heard and saw it raining hard.  I went back to my wa...

Thursday, September 13th During morning meditation I internally heard, "Last four nights she has almost lost it then."  My gut tells me this is referring to either one of my clients that I am following for my job.  They both are staying at the same shelter.  Both are struggling with managing the stress and anxiety generated by the unstable energy and behavior contained inside and outside the walls of the shelter.   later today, I found out that one of my clients had actually spent three nights consecutively inside the shelter and one night on the street outside the shelter.  I then found out from her CM that she choose to stay in a motel, once she got paid.  I was amazed that what I heard this morning, was made fact, after I gathered info about the clt later today.  

Thursday, September 12th During morning meditation I heard, "Trick Question."  Then I immediately felt this was referring to Donald Trump, but I am not sure why.  Possibly those who follow him in the media on a daily basis would have a better understanding of what I heard during meditation.  I am open to comments.

Tuesday, September 11th During morning meditation, I heard internally, "Wiped out!'  I believe it is safe to assume that this refers to how my wife, son, and myself feel this second week with new transitions and schedules.  My wife started working five days a week as a teacher assistant.  She is having to do work even off hours.    In addition, she is assisting my son with his new school routine and some homework-going over what is expected of him from each of his teachers.  My son started sixth grade in Middle School.  It is a big leap from grade school.  He is quickly building independence by walking to and from school alone.  Staying home alone for short periods, and adjusting to a much bigger school, new teachers, and new classmates.   Myself, I am doing my best to get home by 6:30pm.  I am open to assist with making meals and/or clean up from meals.  I am making lunches. I am open to assist with homework.  There is ...

Monday, September 10th During morning meditation, I internally heard, "You're not short on time.  We want to be around here for awhile."  Felt like I was speaking to our son Mason.  He is a product of a divorced family.  He goes back and forth week to week between mom and dads.  I feel he gets anxious about how much time he gets to spend with each parent.  Kels and I go out of our way to make him come first when he is with us and make him the center of attention.  We spend a lot of time conversing and teaching values and morals; life lessons.  It is definitely quality time versus quantity, but we are forming long lasting relationships with Mason.

Sunday, September 9th During morning meditation, I heard internally, "I feel so terrible...I used it all up."  No sure what referring to at first.  Once I got out of bed, my feet felt very warm and achy.  I now know what the insight is referring to.  The last two days I forced myself to eat almost a whole three pound bag of broccoli from Costco.  It was going bad and hadn't been opened.  My wife Kels was also away for the weekend, so fewer people to eat it. I was more concerned about wasting money on groceries, rather than being concerned about my compromised kidneys paying a price of increased sodium and protein.  I need to make myself/health come first and be more of a concern, rather than money wasted on groceries that are not eaten during the week.

Saturday, September 8th During my morning meditation, internally I heard, "You can sit still...until married."  I had asked my Spirit Guide what I needed to know today.  I asked what I could share with my young son-a life lesson.  We are having a "boys weekend" together.   My take away from the message was life is pretty simple when your a young adult and single.  In general, only have to think of one's self.  One can do whatever one wants to do or choose not to do anything at all!  Just need to meet the basic needs in life:  Do well in college (if choose to go) and hold down a steady job that pays the bills; food, shelter, clothing, and transportation.   On the other hand, if married, you are now in a partnership, hopefully by sound choice.  You need to learn to compromise, be thoughtful and considerate of another person's needs and wants, be open to many future goals involving the both of you.  If choose to ha...

Friday, September 7th During my morning meditation, I internally heard, "You need to slow down your expectations of work."  Last evening, I was sharing with a manager, who is a friend at work, my hurt feelings caused by others behavior in the workplace.  My friend was empathetic.  She quietly listened and validated.  She stated she had been deeply hurt in the past by one of the people I was venting about.  I felt understood and not alone. Overall, I feel I have always been idealistic and naive about how the work environment "should" operate, especially in behavioral health and in a hospital.  I am too trusting and open with managers and co-workers in the workplace about how I truly feel about anyone or the unethical workings of the business.  My personality has always been to seek the truth and hold myself and others accountable for our actions or lack of.  In addition, staff in general go after my weaknesses ...

Thursday, September 6th During morning meditation, internally I heard, "Not accepting your ADHD is killing you."  Yesterday I was having a nice casual conversation with a co-worker I hadn't seen in a while.  He asked how I liked my job.  I stated that inpatient psych was intense and exhausting after five years.  I said I was open to other work opportunities.  He immediately said with enthusiasm, "You can go back to school!" I began to feel sad and felt insecure.  I blurted out, "No.  I don't do well with school, due to my learning challenges."  My friend lost his excitement for me and said, "Oh."  I shared that my hope was to pursue more paid trainings out in the community, regarding the cognitive tool I developed for managing mental health effectively.  He didn't show excitement or comment either way, which made me feel even more insecure.  I was mad with myself for caring so much about what he thought was best for me, or whether...

Tues, September 4th During morning meditation, I heard, "Transformations made with twists."  I am making the safe assumption that it pertains to all three of us:  Kelli, Mason, and I.  All three of us are trying are embarking on new adventures this coming Fall:  Mason is starting Middle School-6th grade.  Kelli is starting a new job as a second grade teacher assistant at Assumption.  I am being more assertive with paid community trainings.   My take with what I heard is that there is no straight line, when it comes to transformations.  We go forward and backwards with our learning process.  We often make the same mistakes over and over, until we learn from them.  Our journey often is scary and uncertain.  If we are open and willing to learn from all of this and remain persistent with wanting to change and grow, then healthy transformations occur.

During my morning meditation on Labor Day, I heard, "They really had to bolster themselves, in order to get into higher positions."  After hearing this, I felt this was referring to people's resumes at my current employment.  I was assuming the word "bolster" had a negative connotation.  I became curious and looked up the definition of "bolster" in the Merriam Webster dictionary online.   The word means: To make (something) stronger or better:  to give support to (something).   The truth is I am feeling insecure about my current resume, bolstering my own skill set.  I haven't updated it for over 9 years.  I lack a college degree, but have an abundance of experience in the mental health field.  I don't feel comfortable bragging about my accomplishments.  Therefore, I am currently having a friend update my resume.  By asking my friend for assistance, I am hoping she can "bolster" my resume.   Therefore, I will be able to appl...

Sunday, September 2nd During morning meditation, I called upon my Spirit Guide and asked what I needed to know for today.  In a few moments later I heard, "She needs to speak to you in French." I am going to attempt to meditate later today to see if I receive more messages, possibly in French, or see if I come across anyone today who needs to communicate with me in French.

Saturday, September 1st After I awoke this morning, I began thinking more about whether to have my brother Pat assist me with writing a book about my life, the development of my stress management product, and how the product has transformed by life.   Next, I took five minutes to meditate before getting on with my day.   During meditation I heard, "I don't have to go into trauma again."  I took this message to mean one of two things:  I don't have to write a self help book in order to be successful with my product out in the community...or if we were successful with writing and publishing this book, I wouldn't have to work for my current employer.  I work on a psych unit.