Need for Transparency
Saturday, September 15th
I woke up sick this morning with a extremely bad sore throat, congestion, and upper respiratory dry cough. I choose to do Reike on my throat, which did at least reduce my pain. I am at least able to swallow and drink water experiencing little pain. I believe I got sick, due to having to wait two months for a more thorough medical examination. The unknown often causes stress for anyone.
During morning meditation I internally heard, "Doctors need to be more transparent." Yesterday, after two months of waiting, I finally met with a specialist to find out if a soft tissue mass in my throat, discovered by my PCP, was a tumor or not. Thankfully after more palpation and ultrasound, it was determined that one of my lymph nodes is large, but not abnormal. The specialist was not concerned and did not recommend a biopsy. He then stated, "Your PCP has good palpation skills!...But you also have a skinny neck, which makes it easy. It is good that you came in."
I felt incredibly relieved, but frustrated at the same time. During my initial visit with my PCP, I could see in his eyes that he was very concerned. I noticed he palpated both sides of my neck multiple times before referring. His eyes showed fear, but his voice was calm and dismissive of his body language. He told me he was just being cautious, not to be alarmed by the name of the referral or lose sleep over it. The referral had "Cancer Institute" mentioned. It was very challenging to not allow my mind to run wild with this short conversation. What I needed was for him to be transparent about what his schooling had trained him around palpation skills. What are his concerns, even if it isn't a diagnosis. Is he worried about a possible tumor? What would that look like if it was malignant? How soon should I take action to see the specialist? I had to ask that latter question, which I found surprising.
My take away, is that doctors have gotten away from transparency due to us being such a litigious society and the increase demand put on PCPs to see more patients each day. Visits are way shorter than they use to be. Little time to ask any questions or get answers to your questions. As a result this naturally leads one to worry more, when being referred to a cancer institute. I had little understanding of what was being palpated or why the doctor looked so concerned during the examination.
The worst part was arriving yesterday and sitting alone in the waiting room with my anxious thoughts. Next a front desk staff person approaches me with a pink iPad. She smiles and says, "This is voluntary and I forgot to mention this to you when you checked in. This is an opportunity to sign up for assistance with finances and transportation. Would you be interested?" I said, "You mean this is for those who get diagnosed with cancer and need assistance with bills?" The lady said, "Yes. It can be quite expensive with all the tests and treatment procedures. Plus some people have to travel long distances for their appointments." I said, "Does my financial income level matter?" The lady said,"No. It is for anyone." I said, "I will definitely sign up!" At that point, the technician came out and announced my name. The front desk lady stated, "You can fill it out when you are done with your appointment." At that point, I felt more supported. If the front desk could be so candid without a diagnosis, why couldn't my PCP have been more candid and transparent in order to better prepare me more for worse case possible scenarios? I personally feel, even without a diagnosis, the better informed an individual is, the better one can process and see all their options, before being hit with a load of bricks at an appointment...which in reality is a 50/50 chance. It was so surreal to know that I would be coming out of that appointment with either my current life situation intact, or having to think about possible surgery or cancer treatment options that same day.
My body took a toll from lack of transparency and angst. I am now focusing on rest and being grateful I am overall healthy!
I woke up sick this morning with a extremely bad sore throat, congestion, and upper respiratory dry cough. I choose to do Reike on my throat, which did at least reduce my pain. I am at least able to swallow and drink water experiencing little pain. I believe I got sick, due to having to wait two months for a more thorough medical examination. The unknown often causes stress for anyone.
During morning meditation I internally heard, "Doctors need to be more transparent." Yesterday, after two months of waiting, I finally met with a specialist to find out if a soft tissue mass in my throat, discovered by my PCP, was a tumor or not. Thankfully after more palpation and ultrasound, it was determined that one of my lymph nodes is large, but not abnormal. The specialist was not concerned and did not recommend a biopsy. He then stated, "Your PCP has good palpation skills!...But you also have a skinny neck, which makes it easy. It is good that you came in."
I felt incredibly relieved, but frustrated at the same time. During my initial visit with my PCP, I could see in his eyes that he was very concerned. I noticed he palpated both sides of my neck multiple times before referring. His eyes showed fear, but his voice was calm and dismissive of his body language. He told me he was just being cautious, not to be alarmed by the name of the referral or lose sleep over it. The referral had "Cancer Institute" mentioned. It was very challenging to not allow my mind to run wild with this short conversation. What I needed was for him to be transparent about what his schooling had trained him around palpation skills. What are his concerns, even if it isn't a diagnosis. Is he worried about a possible tumor? What would that look like if it was malignant? How soon should I take action to see the specialist? I had to ask that latter question, which I found surprising.
My take away, is that doctors have gotten away from transparency due to us being such a litigious society and the increase demand put on PCPs to see more patients each day. Visits are way shorter than they use to be. Little time to ask any questions or get answers to your questions. As a result this naturally leads one to worry more, when being referred to a cancer institute. I had little understanding of what was being palpated or why the doctor looked so concerned during the examination.
The worst part was arriving yesterday and sitting alone in the waiting room with my anxious thoughts. Next a front desk staff person approaches me with a pink iPad. She smiles and says, "This is voluntary and I forgot to mention this to you when you checked in. This is an opportunity to sign up for assistance with finances and transportation. Would you be interested?" I said, "You mean this is for those who get diagnosed with cancer and need assistance with bills?" The lady said, "Yes. It can be quite expensive with all the tests and treatment procedures. Plus some people have to travel long distances for their appointments." I said, "Does my financial income level matter?" The lady said,"No. It is for anyone." I said, "I will definitely sign up!" At that point, the technician came out and announced my name. The front desk lady stated, "You can fill it out when you are done with your appointment." At that point, I felt more supported. If the front desk could be so candid without a diagnosis, why couldn't my PCP have been more candid and transparent in order to better prepare me more for worse case possible scenarios? I personally feel, even without a diagnosis, the better informed an individual is, the better one can process and see all their options, before being hit with a load of bricks at an appointment...which in reality is a 50/50 chance. It was so surreal to know that I would be coming out of that appointment with either my current life situation intact, or having to think about possible surgery or cancer treatment options that same day.
My body took a toll from lack of transparency and angst. I am now focusing on rest and being grateful I am overall healthy!
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