Insights not Spite

Today was a challenging day, but more so after work.  I work with individuals who live with mental illness and/or addictions.  I do my best each day to center myself before work.  I try to be an open compassionate vessel of support, and provide knowledge to guide others through there day to day recovery.  Most days, I do well at this.  I am able to actively listen, while showing compassion.  I do best not to force my agenda.  I patiently wait for others to want my assistance.  I connect people to resources.  I am extra eyes and ears for others, when they are too scared or anxious to take information in for themselves when meeting with providers and other professional staff.  I advocate for their needs and wants, when they don't feel heard or are unable to use their voice, due to acute symptoms.  I often work with people who are not grateful for my efforts, or the efforts of other professional behavioral staff.  Such lack of gra...

7/10/18:  During my evening meditation I heard, "Children are always important."  My wife and I meditated after watching a TV series about a famous woman, who is a book writer, going through divorce. I have a child from a previous marriage.  My wife Kels and I always make him top priority and the focus, when we have him every other week.  We give him the space he needs and wants, when he is not with us.  We let him reach out to us, if he needs or wants to.

7/9/18:   During my evening meditation, I heard, "Stop being a bitch."  I had asked my Spirit Guide what I needed to know for tomorrow at work.  I am aware that sometimes I complain about those I work with, but most times I allow people to push me around. Tomorrow I have a nurse who has requested to follow me on an outreach with a patient.  She needs to get hours in for her school program.  She seems friendly, but she has been pushy for the past couple of weeks to get the hours in.  I don't need to bend over backwards to get her practicum hours in.  She needs to work around my schedule, and I need to feel comfortable with this.  I plan to be polite, yet strong about how I move throughout the day tomorrow. If I am irritated with others that I work with, I plan to keep my feelings to myself.  I once had a director state, "If you have nothing nice to stay...say nothing at all."  This is an old phrase my parents use to state when raising...

7/8/18:  During meditation I heard, "The kid doesn't have as much on his plate, as the kid thinks."  I believe this pertains to our son Mason.  He easily gets overwhelmed with learning and homework, but he currently only does homework and learning every other week.  This has been going on ever since kindergarten.  Kelli and I choose to teach and work on opening his mind to learning.  This coming fall, he will be in middle school.  He will be required to do homework in both homes one hour per night.  It won't be any way near as much as the children who are in general education classes.

7/7/18:  During meditation I head, "I hate when Grandpa's die."  It was in Kel's voice.  Lately I have been more concerned about my dad dying.   I believe it will happen soon.  I believe he will let go, cause my mom is gone.  He loved her a lot.  He was dependent on her.

7/6/18:  During meditation I heard, "How will that help with your recovery?"  I am trying to be open and engaging with my brother Pat via text.  I suggested getting tickets to see a comedy (Steve Martin and Martin Short), but it was too expensive for me to pick up all four tickets.  I felt bad suggesting the idea, and then not being to follow through.  I am scared to disappoint and/or anger my brother.  We have a history of pissing each other off.  My intention was good.  We can be very similar, yet extremely different at the same time.  Maybe having peace and some distance is going to be enough.  Time will tell in how we continue to exchange via texts and engage in the community. Another change is I have been having a few drinks with friends lately on the weekends, which is new for me.  It is nice to socialize this way, but not necessary.  I did some research online and found it is best for me to go back to abstaining comple...

7/6/18:  During meditation I heard, "Suspect horseback riding."  When I Googled, it had U-Tube videos of suspects being caught who were on horseback.

7/3/18:  During meditation I heard, "Security."  Two people I know well just quit their secure jobs for other opportunities.  Both sounded scared with taking the risk.  One seemed most scared about losing her health benefits, and realized how much they are really worth.  She stated it is difficult to find good jobs with excellent benefits in her field, outside of Seattle.  I want to make a transition/change to.  I want to avoid being rash with future job opportunities.  I want to try something new:  Line up an excellent job opportunity, while working at my current job.  I have a good friend revising/updating my resume, which gives me more confidence and security.

7/1/18:  During meditation I heard, "If he is dating people...stand still."  I felt this referred  to our son Mason.  If I react, he will react in a way we won't like.

7/1/18:  During meditation I heard, "When you were pushing through...people were pushing you."  I felt it pertained to education (myself).  Now I feel our son Mason is going through the same thing.

6/23/18:  During meditation I heard, "The sheer luck of it."  Kelli and I saw a German Shepard when we went to a friends retirement party.  We both love German Shepards.

6/23/18:  During meditation I heard, "Lakeside (high school) release Will."  The feeling was once a member of Lakeside, always a member.  My wife helped raise Will as a nanny.  We went to his graduation dinner.

6/21/18:  I during meditation I received an insight:  Do other outdoor activities with neighbor Kevin, rather than go to the gun range with him.  This is not my interest, but still like to hang and get to know one another.  I don't want to avoid a potential friendship, because we have different likes and dislikes.  He grew up in Montana and I grew up in Washington State.  It would be very closed minded of me not to continue to be friends, just cause he likes guns and grew up shooting guns.  He is a very nice person and had my back when our car needed a jump.  He also pointed out that the car shop didn't tighten the transmission nut (transmission fluid leaking on concrete), which could of ruined our transmission and cost us a lot of money.  Thank you, Kevin!

6/19/18:  During meditation I heard, "It really gets your hand around somebody else's."   I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I need to do tomorrow at work.  I have two clients especially who could use this support tomorrow.

6/18/18:  I ran into a client outside of work.  He stated, Everyone has a plan.  Only you can get in the way of your plan."

6/18/18:  During meditation I heard, "Sheer anger...causes fear and guilt."  I have learned from a friend who is a psychologist, that anger is not a feeling, but an internal signal that you have been wronged.  Everyone has a choice.  To address the problem, or radically accept what has happened and move on.  I have gathered my facts as best as I can, and open to dialog to address the issue in order to move on.

6/16/18:  During deep meditation, my head did a strong shake once left and once right, while the rest of my body was still.   I had a strong feeling my wife Kels is the one who knows me best and has my back-no worries.  Then had feeling I don't need to answer or explain myself to our son Mason.

6/16/18:  During meditation I heard, "Go to your mom's funeral."   I did not go to my mom's funeral in December of 2016.  I felt pressure to go, but I chose not to.  I needed to emotionally protect myself at the time.  

6/15/18:  During meditation I heard, "You're running out of time."  I felt it related to the cognitive behavioral tool I developed.  I haven't been putting on paid presentations/trainings this year, as of yet.  It is already the middle of June.  I keep spending money to keep the business maintained.

6/15/18:  During meditation I heard, "Please don't do things like that."  I feel upset lately that I am having to set strong limits/boundaries with work and my auto mechanic, to get respect.

6/12/18:  During meditation I heard, "Impeachment."  Heard this day of my meeting.  I do not have a good gut feeling about this meeting going well.  The meeting did not start well or end well.

6/10/18:  During meditation I heard, "I should just feel safe."  I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what my purpose is for tomorrow.  I have a meeting with management tomorrow.

6/10/18:  During meditation I heard, "I don't give a fuck!"  I have been getting a lot of excuses from people at work, regarding a certain issue I am looking into.  I am keeping myself calm by sticking to the facts I have in email and written down from previous conversations with people.  I am holding my ground and using my voice.

6/9/18:  During meditation I heard, "You drunk!"  I had a visual of a woman crashing her car into a ditch and needing it towed out.  I saw an image of an older car from the 1970's.  It looked like a Dodge Dart.  My mom had a Dodge Dart when I was very young.  I saw the car from behind.  The color of the car was white.  My family sheltered and protected me from my mom's drinking problem. Not knowing, made me very anger and I felt betrayed and hurt the last few years of her life.  I did not speak with my mom or family for several years, as a result.  I was fortunate to make amends with my mom the day she died, over the phone.  I am slowly rebuilding relationships with my siblings.

6/9/18:  During meditation I heard, "I still don't think it's too late."  I had asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I should do today.  I gathered it pertained to taking action around addressing a family relative's recent actions in the community.  I took action and found out what jail my relative is currently in.  I haven't decided when to go visit with Kels.  I need some time to process my feelings.

6/8/18:  During meditation I heard, "This is exclusive...your a big boy."  Think it may pertain to my insecurities and lack of confidence around my gifts/talents:  Presenting in the community, Reiki healing, and being psychic.  I need to just do it all with confidence.  I need to avoid thinking about it. Be open to all opportunities.

6/8/18:  During meditation I heard, "By the time you take Jesus' name..."  Not sure what this means or pertains to.

6/7/18:  During meditation I heard, "Massage world."  Had mentioned to my wife I would massage her, since she was so tired, before meditation.  I have fallen out of love with giving massage, but Kels loves it.  I did it as a career for 10 years.  I would love it again, if we went back to regular giving and receiving.   Touch heals, if done properly and with the right intention.  I need to be open to giving and receiving touch more often.

6/7/18:  During meditation I heard, "Need to act as a team as a family."

6/5/18:  During meditation I heard, "Don't forget your Green Bay Packers!"  I have been having a difficult time getting clients engaged in groups on the unit, do to acute symptoms.  Hard to stay positive and upbeat and remain the cheerleader, when so many are "injured', like Vince Lombardi being the coach for the Green Bay Packers.  He was often up against such tough odds in his coaching career.  He often focused on just doing the hard work, rather than who he was becoming as a coach.  Focus on the passion and purpose, the rest will follow...

6/1/18:  During meditation I heard, "Keep your power (in so many words)."  I fell back to sleep, so forgot exactly what was said.  The day before I gave up my power and happiness, because I overreacted, rather then just stating my boundaries and needs calmly with my wife.  I felt foolish and sad after my overreaction.  

5/31/18:  During meditation I heard, "May you enjoy the fun times while you are on this earth."  My wife Kels and I just celebrated our 4th year wedding anniversary last night at Deer Harbor on Orcas Island at the timeshare.  We had a wonderful time on the 30th!  I want and need to put more energy visualizing and remembering the good times, rather than being traumatized and remembering the bad times.

5/29/18:  During meditation I heard, "Catering.  Ordering.  Serving."  My wife did start updating my resume, since it has been over nine years.  I have always had jobs that pertain to some form of "Customer Service".    The last nine years I have been offering support and advocating for people in the mental health community.

5/28/18:  During meditation I heard, "Older we get...harder it is to process."

5/27/18:  During meditation I received a strong feeling to stand tall, no longer physically and spiritually shrink myself...for anyone.  I need to stand and walk with confidence.  I need to spread my wings, no matter the environment.  Except the fact that people will attempt to shrink my positive and strong energy.  I need to implosively move on and avoid responding to negative energy.  I need to surround myself with like minded people.  If trapped, I need to hold my ground and remain big and strong.  The negative energy will back off.  Light always overcomes darkness.  Darkness only takes over, if the Light chooses to shrink and disappear.

5/26/18:  During meditation I heard something quietly, but forgot.  I asked my Spirit Guide what I needed to do today or tomorrow.  As a result, I received a brief vision of my brother Pat's face.  He has been on my mind.  I have been wanting to make amends and see how he is doing with all the trauma caused by a family member recently.  I just wanted to reach out by text.  I just wanted him to know I care and love him. As a result of this meditation, I reached out by text to my brother Pat immediately, and he responded in a positive manner.  We made amends and plan to stay in touch.  We have not been engaging for several years.  I am very grateful that my Spirit Guide made this opportunity happen and I trusted and acted accordingly.

5/26/18:  During meditation I heard, "There is always room for improvement."

5/25/18:  During meditation I heard, "You are safe."  I felt a wave of depression before bed.  Today had been a wave of overwhelming emotions.  I received some terrible news about a family member who lives with mental illness and went off his meds by choice.  I am religious about taking my medications daily and using cognitive methods to remain healthy, yet the news made me feel very vulnerable in the moment.

5/24/18:  During meditation I heard, "These were things he said in his sixties."  I then received a visual of my dad being scary in the past.  Then I had feeling that I know longer need to be scared of him.  Heard this when I asked Somoya what I needed to know for today.

5/23/18:  Had strong gut feeling to get volunteer application done today for NODA (No One Dies Alone), after my afternoon meditation.  I successfully completed the application.

5/22/18:  During meditation I heard, "Repeat things over and over to myself and others."  I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.

5/21/18:  During meditation I heard, "This could go bad on many levels."  When I asked Spirit Guide Somoya if I should write a book about a cognitive method I developed and sharing mine and family history.

5/21/18:  During meditation I fell asleep.  At work I tried the Spirit Guides message and psychics advice to use discernment at work.  I also sent energy to all those on the bus.  It was packed, yet incredibly quiet.  I even dosed off as a result.

5/20/18:  During meditation I heard, "Several kids got hurt."  When I shared this with my wife Kels, she informed me their was a local school shooting mentioned in the news.

5/19/18:  During meditation I heard, "I understand how you feel."  I felt a strong urge to share this with my son Mason.  He shared yesterday about some personal things going on in his life that made him feel unstable, due to uncertainty.  He stated this made him feel sad.  We had a nice talk as a result of me sharing what I heard during meditation.

5/18/18:  During meditation I heard, "While on the boat, ask for permission."  I strongly felt it pertained to my job.

5/17/18:  In the middle of the night I awoke with insight:  I can't just sit and wallow in your emotional and/or physical pain.  I have to do something about it.  I have to do some hard work to get out of it and manage it.   I often don't do anything, due to the fact that I become "comfortable" sitting/being in pain.  I have grown use to it.

5/17/18:  During meditation I heard, "You are going down a dead end."  I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya about how the next day work meeting would go with upper management being present.

5/16/18:  During meditation I heard, "Have Mason (our son) teach."  Had image of him teaching safety around use of fireworks.  My thought is Mason remembers best, if he teaches others what he has just learned.  He likes playing role of teacher.  Let him do homework with us this way.

5/15/18:  During meditation I heard, "Each H/C is free!"  Visually I saw a sales person stating this to a prospective buyer.   I Googled H/C.  It said hydrocarbon.  It is free in our environment, but we need scientists to convert H/C into useable oil/gas.

5/15/18:  During meditation I heard, "That is why I am here."  Received this answer when I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for tomorrow.  Then a moment later I heard, "Maintain strong boundaries."

5/13/18:  During meditation I heard, "Hydroponic seeds."  I then saw a desert in Africa.

5/12/18:  During meditation I heard, "They are not adults now...they are still children."

5/11/18:  During meditation I heard, "You were robbed."

5/11/18:  During meditation, I heard, "Intentionally keep it on the DL."

5/9/18:  During meditation,  I heard, "If you can't master it...you can't see it."

5/8/18:  During meditation I heard, "Move about your business quietly."

5/3/18:  During meditation I heard, "You are very cheeky, Marty."

2/1/18:  Clt introduced Hz 432 and HZ 528 for deep meditations, sleep, and healing/cleanse shakers.  Clt stated to play while doing things in the home. (synchronistic moment) 2/1/18:  Co-worker Lisa who is a nurse said to play Abraham in the background while doing things at home.  Listen over and over.  Raises positive vibrations.  Need to believe and be open.  Synchronistic   moment.  Two in the same afternoon.  Neither person knew one another.  Lisa works per-deim.  The chances of speaking to two people with similar beliefs and have them openly share in the same day without each knowing me,  made the moments very synchronistic. 2/2/18:  I heard, "Help Kels find her place in the world."  I was doing Reiki to help take the pain out of my wife's sore throat.  Did Reiki to prevent my wife from becoming more sick.  I had Hz 432 and fan going at same time. 2/3/18:  My wife and I were listening to...