Managing a Bully
Saturday, May 18th
Yesterday I received an email from my ex-wife. It was an ultimatum over a non medical necessity: braces for our son or being forced to pay for meditation. Naturally I was angry. I logically knew her approach was wrong and she had no leg to stand on, yet I was genuinely still scared. Per history, my voice is not heard or valued by my ex, when it comes to major decisions. My feelings and thoughts are discounted. I am not allowed to disagree without being bullied and/or pressured financially. I am a very reasonable individual, when treated with respect and dignity. Like all human beings, I want to be apart of a decision making process. I want my input heard and considered. I need to have the freedom to agree to disagree, especially around non essential needs.
I sometimes get bullied and pressured at work by co-workers, management, and even clients, cause I am a nice and gentle soul. My old coping mechanism, whether it is with my ex or with work individuals, hasn't been bringing me relief. If anything, it has been making things worse-causing more mental stress. My approach has been to be extremely nice and flexible, without firmly setting limits and risking push back. I have always been scared of the possible outcome-confrontation that intensifies with me further getting hurt, either physically or financially. People are animals by nature. They too can sniff out your ultimate fears. My fears have always been about two things: being able to physically protect myself and family and financial stability for myself and loved ones.
When I was a child, I saw my parents set limits with older siblings, and it sometimes lead to yelling or physical altercations. I have never wanted to be on the receiving end. Therefore, since childhood, I have been meek and coward to any pressure, aggressive behavior, or bullying, in hopes these individuals will eventually leave me alone. In almost all cases, I have been left alone, but the major issue is I am not being true to myself or respected. I figured if I befriend them, why would they want to continue to want to lash out at me? The problem is some individuals want to attack more, cause their lives are so out of control. It makes them feel good to have something external of themselves that is weaker to manipulate and lord over. This provides this person a false sense of power.
As a result of yesterday's email, I became emotionally dis-regulated, due to trauma of being bullied. I did an OPA For Mental Health to manage the stressor. This was a great help. I was able to switch from the emotional to the logical state of thinking, allowing me to be rational and come up with a sound plan for addressing the issue at hand. As a result, I was able to enjoy the rest of my evening with my wife Kels and had a great nights sleep.
When I woke up this morning, my mind slipped back to ruminating about the triggering email. I decided to do my morning meditation. I asked my Spirit Guide how to manage the situation. In stead of hearing an internal voice, I felt a strong push to research why bullies bully and how to manage a bully. As a result, I spent a good part of my day reading articles and using the information to help me formulate a response to my ex-wife. I kept telling myself that I am a victim of abuse, but knowledge is power. Arming one's self with knowledge is the best way to go to battle whether you win or loose. I can't stop another person's hurtful actions, but I can protect and defend myself in battle. And that is what I plan to do.
I sometimes get bullied and pressured at work by co-workers, management, and even clients, cause I am a nice and gentle soul. My old coping mechanism, whether it is with my ex or with work individuals, hasn't been bringing me relief. If anything, it has been making things worse-causing more mental stress. My approach has been to be extremely nice and flexible, without firmly setting limits and risking push back. I have always been scared of the possible outcome-confrontation that intensifies with me further getting hurt, either physically or financially. People are animals by nature. They too can sniff out your ultimate fears. My fears have always been about two things: being able to physically protect myself and family and financial stability for myself and loved ones.
When I was a child, I saw my parents set limits with older siblings, and it sometimes lead to yelling or physical altercations. I have never wanted to be on the receiving end. Therefore, since childhood, I have been meek and coward to any pressure, aggressive behavior, or bullying, in hopes these individuals will eventually leave me alone. In almost all cases, I have been left alone, but the major issue is I am not being true to myself or respected. I figured if I befriend them, why would they want to continue to want to lash out at me? The problem is some individuals want to attack more, cause their lives are so out of control. It makes them feel good to have something external of themselves that is weaker to manipulate and lord over. This provides this person a false sense of power.
As a result of yesterday's email, I became emotionally dis-regulated, due to trauma of being bullied. I did an OPA For Mental Health to manage the stressor. This was a great help. I was able to switch from the emotional to the logical state of thinking, allowing me to be rational and come up with a sound plan for addressing the issue at hand. As a result, I was able to enjoy the rest of my evening with my wife Kels and had a great nights sleep.
When I woke up this morning, my mind slipped back to ruminating about the triggering email. I decided to do my morning meditation. I asked my Spirit Guide how to manage the situation. In stead of hearing an internal voice, I felt a strong push to research why bullies bully and how to manage a bully. As a result, I spent a good part of my day reading articles and using the information to help me formulate a response to my ex-wife. I kept telling myself that I am a victim of abuse, but knowledge is power. Arming one's self with knowledge is the best way to go to battle whether you win or loose. I can't stop another person's hurtful actions, but I can protect and defend myself in battle. And that is what I plan to do.
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