I Am So Pissed! (Contains Update)

Monday, April 29th

During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today.  I then heard an internal voice say, "I am so pissed."  I wasn't sure what this was going to refer to, and if it would be pertaining to today or some time soon.

5/2/19:  Update:

Today I woke up and had a bad feeling that it was going to be a challenging day.  My vibration felt low.  I tried everything to raise my vibration before starting work, but still felt uneasy.  Soon after starting work, I had a team meeting.  My supervisor celebrated one of my co-worker's successes discharging a client, while at the same time slamming me in front of my co-workers about having an unsuccessful discharge, which was completely out of my control.  I immediately called him on it and shut him down by offering a positive update about the client.  I was proud of myself for standing up for myself, but very disappointed and hurt by his behavior.   Just yesterday during supervision he was praising me for my efforts for assisting with such a challenging discharge.  

Later in the day, our psych unit had it's first double code-grey (patient out of control) that occurred at the same time.  Patients and staff very extremely upset by the whole ordeal, including myself.  Staff stated all of it could of been avoided if patients had been screen properly.  The situation was extremely dangerous and retraumatized many of the patients, myself, and staff.  I have trauma from observing family violence as a young child. 

Then after work, my son had his first science fair that he was partaking in.  I felt obligated to invite his grandpa, for my son's sake.  I can only handle my father in small doses, and even then, he can be very unpredictable.  Sure enough, he was exactly that, unpredictable.  He said and did odd things before and during the event, which retraumatized me.  On top of that, we came across my ex-wife at the science fair.  We have a very unhealthy past together, so being around her was also very traumatizing.  In addition, the crowd at the school was overwhelming, which added to my PTSD.  

All of the stressors today made me feel very overwhelmed and left me feeling very pissed by the end of the evening.  Somoya was correct:  I am so pissed.  Now I need to do self-care tomorrow in order to get my happiness and power back.  Light always overcomes Darkness.  I choose Light.  




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