Write Down All Your Negative Thoughts (Contains Update)
Sunday, February 10th
During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today. I than heard an internal voice say, “Write down all your negative thoughts.”
This idea passed onto me by Somoya is brilliant. I now realize how can I truly think and believe in my positive daily thoughts and have them manifest, if I remain in trenched with life long and ongoing negative thoughts about myself? All my automatic and repetitive negative thoughts over the years continue to throw up a wall (more affective than Trumps) and prevent positive thoughts from grabbing hold and thriving.
This past Thursday, after I ran my cognitive behavioral support group, I had a client come up to me and ask me how I have been successful at accepting and living with mental illness. He stated he is struggling. I shared some of my personal story. Afterwards, the clt thanked me by saying, “You are such a good listener and you are the only one who has spent 20 minutes to speak with me in one sitting. Why aren’t you a doctor?” Immediately this triggered my sadness and insecurities around my lack of accomplishments with academics. I felt super vulnerable. I shared how living with learning challenges has gotten in the way of me finishing college. I was in the school of Social Work before dropping out and having my mental break. I then disclosed to the clt that I have not taken on the beast of managing my feelings around living with learning challenges. That this needs to be addressed and will be my next journey. The clt stated he understood and what I had to share made since and was helpful. As a result of the conversation and being triggered, I went home feeling sad and depressed. I struggled articulating my feelings with my wife, due to it being so raw.
Therefore, I took action and wrote down all of my automatic negative thoughts that immediately came to mind. Surprisingly and quite shockingly, my mind generated 17 negative thoughts that I have about my intelligence, abilities, and self-image. I shared my most intimate and negative thoughts with my wife Kels after completing this task. She immediately stated she was surprised and wasn’t aware of the majority of my negative thoughts about myself. We have known each other for 10 years, four of them we have been married.
I then applied my cognitive method that I developed for managing an overwhelming stressor. I chose to take on the negative stressor that is still causing me the most stress in my life: living with learning challenges and how it limits my career choices, affects my self-esteem and self worth. After I worked through the cognitive method process around this stressor, I immediately started to feel better about myself. I now have something concretely to refer back to, when I need to reframe my negative self talk. I am hopeful and looking forward to more positive results soon!
Update: 2/11/19
When I was doing my quiet mindfulness walk to work, I came to the realization that I dismiss my Peer Specialist credentials. I need to stop doing this. Other people in the community see value in my credentials, even if it doesn't equate earning a lot of money. My credentials are recognized by the State of Washington and I pay yearly dues. I am a registered certified Peer Counselor, who can counsel, as long as I work for a hospital or agency. I just can't practice on my own. In doing my business consulting, it benefits me keeping my Peer Specialist credentials. It keeps me in my wheel house and I know my audience. Having Eric as my business partner, addresses two other audiences: psychologists and case management.
Update: 2/14/19
Today I was teaching the benefit of using OPA For Mental Health, LLC to assist people with creating, managing and manifesting their personal short and long term goals. As I was teaching the process, I came to the realization that it is OK to go through the concrete process and recognize and accept that some goals won't come to fruition. I also came to the realization that even if the goal doesn't come to fruition on paper, it is way better than keeping the goal in your head and dwelling on the fact that it didn't manifest. Keeping an unaccomplished goal in one's mind results in having negative thoughts. Better to create a concrete plan and attempt, than to become overwhelmed and not try at all. Most times I am successful with my short and long term goals. I and others just need to take more time and celebrate each and every goal we do accomplish. I recently learned from my supervisor that research has been done proving that people struggle feeling good after achieving a goal. We are too quick to move onto the next goal. I now am going to be more mindful to pause and celebrate my future goals, big or small.
During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today. I than heard an internal voice say, “Write down all your negative thoughts.”
This idea passed onto me by Somoya is brilliant. I now realize how can I truly think and believe in my positive daily thoughts and have them manifest, if I remain in trenched with life long and ongoing negative thoughts about myself? All my automatic and repetitive negative thoughts over the years continue to throw up a wall (more affective than Trumps) and prevent positive thoughts from grabbing hold and thriving.
This past Thursday, after I ran my cognitive behavioral support group, I had a client come up to me and ask me how I have been successful at accepting and living with mental illness. He stated he is struggling. I shared some of my personal story. Afterwards, the clt thanked me by saying, “You are such a good listener and you are the only one who has spent 20 minutes to speak with me in one sitting. Why aren’t you a doctor?” Immediately this triggered my sadness and insecurities around my lack of accomplishments with academics. I felt super vulnerable. I shared how living with learning challenges has gotten in the way of me finishing college. I was in the school of Social Work before dropping out and having my mental break. I then disclosed to the clt that I have not taken on the beast of managing my feelings around living with learning challenges. That this needs to be addressed and will be my next journey. The clt stated he understood and what I had to share made since and was helpful. As a result of the conversation and being triggered, I went home feeling sad and depressed. I struggled articulating my feelings with my wife, due to it being so raw.
Therefore, I took action and wrote down all of my automatic negative thoughts that immediately came to mind. Surprisingly and quite shockingly, my mind generated 17 negative thoughts that I have about my intelligence, abilities, and self-image. I shared my most intimate and negative thoughts with my wife Kels after completing this task. She immediately stated she was surprised and wasn’t aware of the majority of my negative thoughts about myself. We have known each other for 10 years, four of them we have been married.
I then applied my cognitive method that I developed for managing an overwhelming stressor. I chose to take on the negative stressor that is still causing me the most stress in my life: living with learning challenges and how it limits my career choices, affects my self-esteem and self worth. After I worked through the cognitive method process around this stressor, I immediately started to feel better about myself. I now have something concretely to refer back to, when I need to reframe my negative self talk. I am hopeful and looking forward to more positive results soon!
Update: 2/11/19
When I was doing my quiet mindfulness walk to work, I came to the realization that I dismiss my Peer Specialist credentials. I need to stop doing this. Other people in the community see value in my credentials, even if it doesn't equate earning a lot of money. My credentials are recognized by the State of Washington and I pay yearly dues. I am a registered certified Peer Counselor, who can counsel, as long as I work for a hospital or agency. I just can't practice on my own. In doing my business consulting, it benefits me keeping my Peer Specialist credentials. It keeps me in my wheel house and I know my audience. Having Eric as my business partner, addresses two other audiences: psychologists and case management.
Update: 2/14/19
Today I was teaching the benefit of using OPA For Mental Health, LLC to assist people with creating, managing and manifesting their personal short and long term goals. As I was teaching the process, I came to the realization that it is OK to go through the concrete process and recognize and accept that some goals won't come to fruition. I also came to the realization that even if the goal doesn't come to fruition on paper, it is way better than keeping the goal in your head and dwelling on the fact that it didn't manifest. Keeping an unaccomplished goal in one's mind results in having negative thoughts. Better to create a concrete plan and attempt, than to become overwhelmed and not try at all. Most times I am successful with my short and long term goals. I and others just need to take more time and celebrate each and every goal we do accomplish. I recently learned from my supervisor that research has been done proving that people struggle feeling good after achieving a goal. We are too quick to move onto the next goal. I now am going to be more mindful to pause and celebrate my future goals, big or small.
I wonder if there are others out there willing to take on such a challenging task? It is just one of those things I think most people like to ignore instead of deal with.
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