Dan (Contains an Update-Had Successful Engagement!)

Saturday, November 24th

During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for the day.  I then heard a voice internally say, "Dan." 

My dad has been on my mind a great deal lately.  We haven't hung out with him as a family since last February for my birthday.  He had stated over the phone during the summer that he wanted to see our son possibly in August or September.  Life has felt like a whirl wind with our son now in middle school, my wife starting and adjusting to her new job as a teacher assistant, and both of us joining the 24 Hour Fitness to improve our heath and wellness.  Therefore, time has gotten away for us a family.  In addition, unfortunately, engaging with grandpa feels like an obligation, rather than an enjoyable event for the family, which naturally leads to avoidance.  

Since I heard Somoya say, "Dan", I figured I needed to listen and take action.  I know he wants to see his grandson.  After completing meditation, I came out to the kitchen and announced to my wife and son that we needed to visit grandpa the next day.  I stated we needed to set limits on time.  Often times we get stuck visiting for hours.  Grandpa spends more TV watching, then engaging with any of us, which triggers me feeling like a child all over again in his home.  Due to this, I mentioned to my family that it would emotionally be easiest on myself to have us pick up grandpa and take him to Wendy's this time around.  I also knew he would love having lunch with his grandson, based on prior history.  I created an additional emotional buffer, by having our son call and set up the lunch date with grandpa.  This experience they both enjoyed.   I am very confident that with this thoughtful plan, it will lead to everyone getting their needs met.   I hope to minimize any negative emotional impact on everyone involved.  

Update:

My family and I picked up my dad from his house, and took him to Wendy's.  This is grandpa's favorite fast food restaurant.  Grandpa and our son ordered meals, and my wife and I ordered fries, due to being vegan.  We wanted to partake in the dining experience.  Eating out lead to a better overall interaction for all of us!  The conversations were kept light and short, avoiding any major triggers.  My father said one thing that was triggering, that referenced women's salaries in the workforce, but my wife and I quickly changed the subject.  When my father offered to have us over to his house after the meal, I did an awesome job of stating a boundary and politely declining.  My wife and I purposely planned another activity for the rest of the afternoon, watching the Packers play with friends.  Overall, the experience was enjoyable with my dad.  My plan of action was a success!  I will definitely use this approach for future visits.  The nice thing, I am now more open to more frequent visits with grandpa.  Thank you Somoya for getting me to face something I have been avoiding!