Graduated from High School
Tuesday, October 23rd
During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today. I then internally heard, "Graduated from high school. Just turned 18."
This was the high and low point of my young adult life. I graduated from high school the summer of 1990. This was a huge success for me and I was relieved! I have always struggled with academics, due to living with ADD. I pushed myself so hard to not just get through school, but to also get perfect grades. I wanted my father's approval, but is was so difficult to get. My nature is to please. I graduated with a 3.9 cum. I received an F for not turning in one English paper senior year. This was the most I ever "acted out" as a teenager. I purposely did not complete the paper, just to spite my father. I was burnt out from school and had fully turned my attention to competitive cycling in hopes of escaping overwhelming academic stress and family life drama.
Cycling was my love, passion, and refuge from having to deal with the real chaotic world. Overall, I did well at cycling. I competed on a national and international level with Team Mazda. My coach was Eugene Zeitler. He had been previously connected to amateur and professional cycling. I personally never won a race. I was a domestique-a "work horse" for my team. I just loved the freedom and the speed of riding a bike. I didn't care that much about being the best. Our team was not a team, so to speak. Everyone dreamed about hopefully someday going pro.
It is safe to say Greg Lemond was every American cyclist's hero. He was the only American to win the Tour De France back then. He won it three times: 1986, 1989, and 1990. I idolized him as a athlete and person. I once met him briefly in person at a fundraiser ride in Seattle called the Wheels of Fire. He came across very quiet and humble. I road in this race with him. I felt so terrible when riders crashed him on the I-90 bridge, because so many people wanted to be close to him. I was around 13 at the time. Even as a young man, my gut sensed Greg Lemond was a good and honest soul. Greg is a true American hero of cycling that we can all continue to be proud of. I still respect and admire him to this day.
One summer day in 1990 everything turned for the worse, and my world was turned upside down. I had just returned from participating at Colorado Springs Junior World Trials. I was flying high with confidence and enthusiasm. I was brimming with happiness! My father manage to take away all of these positive feelings and extinguish my passion in one 30 second conversation. I was assisting him with remodeling the family's kitchen. I stated my coach mentioned I did well and that I have potential. My father immediately stated in a deep and firm voice, "You will be attending the University of Washington this fall and living at home. No more competitive cycling." I was too frightened and insecure to argue my case to keep my passion alive or pursue my dreams. I did know from past experience, from observing my older siblings, that speaking up or pushing back, lead to being asked to leave the nest sooner. I had no confidence or life skills to live on my own in order to pursue my dreams on my own. This was both my parents fault and mine. They did everything for me and rewarded me, based on good behavior. They did not empower me to work towards independent thinking and living. My parents were miserable living with one another, due to all the chaos of living in a large family. I was their buffer. I was used to make each happy. I was caught in the middle trying to please. I had no sense of self, other than knowing that cycling was my life saving outlet and passion!
When I succumbed to my Dad's commanding voice, control, and pressure, I immediately had my first break, starting with major depression. (Several years later I was officially diagnosed with Bi-polar.) I gave all my cycling gear and racing bike to my coach. He was in shock and stated he would hold onto my bike, if I was to change my mind in the future. I started the UW in the Fall. I disliked every minute of it and everything that followed...for many years to come.
During morning meditation, I asked my Spirit Guide Somoya what I needed to know for today. I then internally heard, "Graduated from high school. Just turned 18."
This was the high and low point of my young adult life. I graduated from high school the summer of 1990. This was a huge success for me and I was relieved! I have always struggled with academics, due to living with ADD. I pushed myself so hard to not just get through school, but to also get perfect grades. I wanted my father's approval, but is was so difficult to get. My nature is to please. I graduated with a 3.9 cum. I received an F for not turning in one English paper senior year. This was the most I ever "acted out" as a teenager. I purposely did not complete the paper, just to spite my father. I was burnt out from school and had fully turned my attention to competitive cycling in hopes of escaping overwhelming academic stress and family life drama.
Cycling was my love, passion, and refuge from having to deal with the real chaotic world. Overall, I did well at cycling. I competed on a national and international level with Team Mazda. My coach was Eugene Zeitler. He had been previously connected to amateur and professional cycling. I personally never won a race. I was a domestique-a "work horse" for my team. I just loved the freedom and the speed of riding a bike. I didn't care that much about being the best. Our team was not a team, so to speak. Everyone dreamed about hopefully someday going pro.
It is safe to say Greg Lemond was every American cyclist's hero. He was the only American to win the Tour De France back then. He won it three times: 1986, 1989, and 1990. I idolized him as a athlete and person. I once met him briefly in person at a fundraiser ride in Seattle called the Wheels of Fire. He came across very quiet and humble. I road in this race with him. I felt so terrible when riders crashed him on the I-90 bridge, because so many people wanted to be close to him. I was around 13 at the time. Even as a young man, my gut sensed Greg Lemond was a good and honest soul. Greg is a true American hero of cycling that we can all continue to be proud of. I still respect and admire him to this day.
One summer day in 1990 everything turned for the worse, and my world was turned upside down. I had just returned from participating at Colorado Springs Junior World Trials. I was flying high with confidence and enthusiasm. I was brimming with happiness! My father manage to take away all of these positive feelings and extinguish my passion in one 30 second conversation. I was assisting him with remodeling the family's kitchen. I stated my coach mentioned I did well and that I have potential. My father immediately stated in a deep and firm voice, "You will be attending the University of Washington this fall and living at home. No more competitive cycling." I was too frightened and insecure to argue my case to keep my passion alive or pursue my dreams. I did know from past experience, from observing my older siblings, that speaking up or pushing back, lead to being asked to leave the nest sooner. I had no confidence or life skills to live on my own in order to pursue my dreams on my own. This was both my parents fault and mine. They did everything for me and rewarded me, based on good behavior. They did not empower me to work towards independent thinking and living. My parents were miserable living with one another, due to all the chaos of living in a large family. I was their buffer. I was used to make each happy. I was caught in the middle trying to please. I had no sense of self, other than knowing that cycling was my life saving outlet and passion!
When I succumbed to my Dad's commanding voice, control, and pressure, I immediately had my first break, starting with major depression. (Several years later I was officially diagnosed with Bi-polar.) I gave all my cycling gear and racing bike to my coach. He was in shock and stated he would hold onto my bike, if I was to change my mind in the future. I started the UW in the Fall. I disliked every minute of it and everything that followed...for many years to come.
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